Read this with spiritual eyes and hear this with spiritual ears. I am being myself in this. I used to qualify so much of what I said because of a need to be understood. No more. Just enjoy and glean from this what you can. There are nuggets of truth for many of you.
I am racing toward being ‘bottomed out’ for the mountaintop continually evades me. The only way to climb it is by obvious means – self-promotion; extensive networking, conference invitations, book deals, Facebook posts, twitter followers and perhaps even some hype along the way. I can’t do it and some days I am just tired. So I am walking in grace, walking in the unforced rhythm of grace, walking with Jesus Christ. In doing that, I am not racing to the mountaintop but walking in the valley of reality where I not only look at my life, I see my life for what it is. Not an easy place for any of us.
To reach the bottom (qualitatively speaking) brings me face to face with reality in all its glory. It tires me out to maintain or sustain any kind of self-perceived recognition or reputation. I am passionately looking at His life, the life of Christ, in me. I see this life in Christ with no illusions or facades. I walk with Him with no presumption or protocol. Bring me down to the bottom, Lord, so I may live my life in you. I am not philosophizing here but being honest. Tired of religious crap today and weary of religious facades. So being honest with those reading this, writing with lots of grace.
Trying to believe to achieve what you desire is ludicrous. When you arrive at what you are believing for, what do you do? Well, if you initiated the journey, you will have to maintain what you initiate. That can get very tiresome in time. So I have decided to pull the plug on any and all ministry aspirations. I don’t want anything maintained on life support so I am letting ministry, as I have defined it, go and letting God lead the way. Sounds so spiritual but it is not meant to be anything other than the depth of my heart. This blog will take a great turn now showing the depths of my heart. I will see my life in Christ, not through the lens of building a ministry or establishing a following. Are you with me?
I am not talking to everyone who is reading this. I am reaching out to those who find themselves on the way down, because you are somehow fed up with programs, plans, agendas, image, and reputation. I want what is real and that is Jesus Christ. So I am racing to be bottomed out and the sooner the better because then He promises me, I will find myself in Him.
Luke 17: 33 If you grasp and cling to life on your terms, you’ll lose it, but if you let that life go, you’ll get life on God’s terms.
Lose your life to find your life. We fight that with all of our being. Who actually freely chooses insignificance, anonymity, obscurity or being alone with no clear direction in time. Raise those hands everybody!
I admit. I did not choose it for myself willingly. Yet, I find myself in the midst of this ‘bottoming out’ in a standing position of reality. I am BEING right now. I am not fighting to do anything. I am just being quiet and trusting. And, of course, blogging and letting you all in on this. Before I set one foot down again in ministry, I want to walk in His way, the way, in life and in truth. Crowds rush by me all having to be somewhere or do something. In all honesty, I am facing this transition in grace with a lot of time on my hands. That is why all the talk on the purpose of time.
I am losing any ability to define myself. I am simply incapable of refining myself except by His hand. So I choose today to wait until He brings me into this new way in Him. (Yes, for all of us grace people, I know I am in Him. But it is still a journey of discovery day by day!) My foundations are secure in the finished work of His cross. I stand in a broad place of exploration in Him. What am I looking for? Wait, I think I see a small glimpse of it. There it is. Simplicity of life in Christ. The journey begins. I am seeking Him outside the box and I shall find Him in greater and more creative ways. I am sure of it.