The woman started out her life in Christ with great passion. The revelation of Jesus Christ pulled her out from the darkness of her condition into the light of His glory. Her newfound freedom compelled her to seek Him with a passion that was unparalleled in her life to anything she had ever known. Jesus Christ was real and she was alive in Him. At that time, life was exciting and filled with expectation. Each day was a journey filled with joy and happiness!
In those days visions were abundant, revelation was ongoing and prophecies flowed with ease and clarity. Those days were filled with movement and great passion. But, without her knowing it at the time, those days were also filled with great pride, subtly creeping in when passion lost its focus.
You see, passion, by its very nature, is intricately tied to focus. Passion is alive when your focus is on someone or something to keep life stirred within you of excitement and expectation. In a Christian life, passion is found in a person, Jesus Christ. When passion is distorted in the pursuit of gifts, destiny, or purpose, passion itself dwindles and fades. Then we are apt to wonder what exactly happened to us. That is exactly where the woman was on this particular day gazing out the window. She was wondering what exactly happened in her life.
She gazed out of the window, looking at the palace of possibility. Then as soon as she caught herself in her musings, she was brought back quickly to the reality of her condition. The hut – drab, boring and mundane. She turned to look around at her condition and sighed. Yet, quickly, that sigh turned into anger and she picked up the nearest thing to her and threw it against the wall. Then she exploded into self-absorbed fervent intercession making God aware of the reality of her condition through her cries of desperation.
She prayed with fervency and passion hoping that she could change His mind about her current condition. There was great passion in her pleadings but it was the passion of self-centeredness and self-pity. And yet, God seemed unmoved in the silence that followed each of these passionate outbursts. After a few days, a few hours, and a few weeks of this type of interchange, she suddenly realized that her passion was gone.
She was tired and weary and devoid of all hope. Day by day passion had dwindled and faded. A life filled with passion went to less-passion and less-passion until she looked around and was passion-less. How did this happen? She did not know. She really did not know. “This is life?” She constantly asked herself.
She saw the condition of her life as God withdrawing His love and favor from her. The hut was the proof of the fact that God bestowed His favor on many others, but not her. This boring colorless existence, steeped in silence, was killing her inside. She could not figure it out. If God truly loved her, why was she living in this condition of obscurity and insignificance? Why?
It was at this point that instead of turning to God in complete trust and acceptance, she determined in her heart to find out what she did, or what she could do to bring back the passion. Her determination to know led her down a path of resolute persistence to find out the why’s, and the how come’s and the how can I change this?
Yet, there was a single question that consistently permeated her very being. It constantly flowed forth from the depth of her heart. She knew if she could only find out what she had done wrong to deserve this kind of life, she could then quickly fix it. After all, she prided herself on being a woman of quick obedience to the voice of God. She seemed quite content when she realized that she simply had to keep asking God a simple question. The question?
“What do You want from me God?”
She wanted to know how to get out of this mess. At the time, she could not possibly see all of what she was going through as a way into something greater. She saw it as a chastisement and a disqualification of her very existence.
Yet, that question blinded her eyes from seeing truth. That question bound her heart with pain and insecurity and endless feelings of rejection. That question, when declared into the heavenly realm, shook the very heart of God as He gazed upon her. He knew that the question only indicated her lack of revelation regarding His intense and passionate love for her and her alone. He gazed on her. He looked at her. He knew that she was only opening herself up to more pain through this question. That question actually kept her from hearing the tender voice of God trying to speak to her.
At the same time He was saying this to her, she was focused on her own needs and her own insecurity and simply kept talking from her own self-centeredness she would ask “What do you want from me God?” and because she was focused on the wrong questions, she never ever heard Him at all, yet.