She was in the Great Room of the Palace and it was exactly that – great, but also glorious and magnificent. The immense size of the Great Room displayed an authority that presumed it was built to accommodate great crowds of people that would come into it. Its décor manifested elegance and royalty. Palace people were moving with perfection and ease all around her.
“Who could build anything this grand unless God’s favor was upon it?” She wondered.
There was no denying the fact that the Palace was a mighty, flowing river, a river moving so fast and with such strength that you could easily get caught up in its flow with no other effort than to jump into it. Yet, she did not jump that day very easily. She hesitated to jump at all. That surprised her.
It all seemed a bit strange to her. No emotion, no expressions of excitement within her. The woman actually felt a bit dull inside. She suddenly felt as if she was there, but not there. Feeling like an alien in a foreign land, she was feeling displaced in the Palace culture. She just kept looking around at it all. Feeling a bit out of it, a little insignificant, she still kept wondering what this was all about.
“Why these feelings? Why now?” She thought.
Standing immoveable in the Great Room, she suddenly looked up. Then, she looked down. She looked at the people moving all around her. There was no way to describe it. The faces of the people glowed. They talked with great excitement, expecting something glorious from their time in the Palace. Using all the right cutting edge words such as presence, revival, breakthrough, declaration and other Palace lingo, she could tell that they were familiar with the Palace culture. It seemed to her, they were like children in one big happy family.
As the minutes turned into an hour or more, and she was still standing there, she realized that something was going on within her, deep within her. She could not move. How strange! How incredibly strange!
Suddenly she was aware again that she truly was there, but not there, caught between the reality of what was going on around her and a stirring of the Holy Spirit within her. In the midst of the sounds of music from the stage, the people talking all around her, microphones being tested for sound clarity, and other people moving all around the Great Room, she began to sense that God wanted to have a conversation with her, right there, right then. Again, how strange, it seemed to her. She seemed to be living in two realms. People were trying to engage her in conversation while at the same time, God was speaking to her. It was as if she was being pulled in two directions at once.
“Excuse me. Have you registered?” someone asked with a big smile. “Just go to the tables and they will get you all settled in.”
She barely answered “Thanks,” before the girl was on to the next person, with that same accommodating smile. She walked to the tables and registered for the gathering, trying to ignore the fact that God was pulling at her from within.
“Welcome,” another man said, as she walked, somewhat dazed, towards rows and rows of seats set up before the grand stage. “Glad you’re here. Enjoy!”
Again, she felt as if she was there, but not there. Her assumptions about coming to this gathering were being dismantled by the still, small voice of God. Then amidst the outer noise, she heard an inner voice. Only a few words but that is usually all that God needs to say.
“My daughter……….why are you here?”
That was all He said. At the moment those words were spoken, they opened up a well within her. Those simple words pierced like a sword going through her, cutting open everything in its path. Those words were on a mission to get to her heart. They exposed insecurity. They cut through the fears of being left out. They pierced into the pain of feeling disqualified. Something was happening deep within her.
As she felt the presence of God, she began to cry for in His presence was great love but also great pain. The reality of it all seemed like a contradiction. Here in this place of promise and destiny, she was coming face to face with her own inner desolation and barrenness.
“My daughter…….why are you here?”
This question, spoken again, was intent on exposure for the purpose of healing a heart that had somehow lost its way.
God picked His time and His way to pierce the heart of the woman. It was not convenient or according to her timing but it was perfect, as the woman would soon find out. As love spoke, it produced deep pain in the woman. With this question, God sought to expose the reality of her heart, a heart that had faltered and failed under years of condemnation and guilt. She did not see at the time, that perfect love drives out fear. She came seeking an answer, a way, a purpose, or a destiny. Yet she found none of that. In the midst of the gathering, feeling there, but not there, He found her.