God asked this question to the woman to open her heart to the reality of His love for her. Each time the question was asked, though, the sound reverberated within her very being, causing pain. It was as if she was imploding from within as walls of opposition came falling down all around her until it appeared there would be nothing left for her to hide behind.
The woman began to think of other questions that were asked to expose hearts. God called to Adam asking, “Where are you?” Then to Peter, “Do you love me?” And to Paul, “Why do you persecute me?” To Hagar, “What do you fear?” To Jeremiah, “What do you see?”
The woman stood in one place, facing one question. And then she asked herself some questions.
God knew the secret places in the woman’s heart where she was hiding in fear. His question had purpose. The simplicity of the question held few words but each word pierced deeper and deeper with truth, light, and life.
She suddenly stopped asking her questions and began to repeat His question to her over and over.
“Why are you here?”
“Why are you here?”
“Why are you here?”
Suddenly a powerful pain hit her heart and her heart resounded with this question again.
“Why am I here? Why……..am…….I……..here?”
From the depths of her heart, a torrent of words betrayed an inner reality that she had avoided looking at for some time now. She could not stop the flow of words coming forth from within her.
“I am lonely. Tired. Weary. Hurting. Scared. Disappointed. Discouraged. Angry”
Her “I am” statements defined her, formed her, and flowed from her honestly this day. Her honesty with a God that unconditional loved her would set her free. This reality was better expressed through her than repressed within her. As the Lord listened to her, His heart was moved with compassion yet at the same time being unmoved by her answers. He again cut to the heart with that one question.
“My Daughter, why are you here?”
The woman could only be silent after the outpouring of her “I am” statements. She was shaky, a bit dazed, and out of balance. It was as if she was so overwhelmed by her own answers that the answers themselves surprised her. Each word described the pain in her heart.
Suddenly she felt so weak. She saw herself in a vision looking in the mirror at a person whom she did not even know anymore. Her own wholeness seemed to be marred by the cracks she saw in the mirror that distorted her own image. This was her reality. She ran from this reality for so long that in her life, this reality was accepted as truth, when in fact it was a lie. A greater reality was about to be revealed to her in Christ.
She began to quietly answer His question. This time, it was as if she had lost her breath and could only breathe out her innermost feelings.
“Lord, I am – lonely, so lonely. My days go on forever and it seems that I am invisible. No one actually sees me or knows that I am here, right here, right now, unless they see me as they want to see me. I can be in a room and still be lonely.
Lord, I am – tired, so tired. I have been pushing and straining for so long in life, just to avoid having to look at my reality that I am tired. Tired of life, Lord.
I am – weary. I never feel at rest Lord, or at peace. I always sense that I am missing something, losing something.
I am – hurting. Lord. I am wondering if this is all there is to life. I am wondering if you have forgotten me. There are days when I barely know you are there Lord. Days, hours where the silence in my own life is as if I am standing in a barren desert.
I am disappointed. So disappointed that it seems that life is passing me by and my dreams are fading, my hope is fading and I live in a void, in a mundane hut.
I am so very discouraged when I see people moving around me and ahead of me at lightening speed as if life was tailored to meet their success and favor with more success and more favor. How can I keep up? How can I even come close?
I am angry. I am so angry with you Lord. Why? Why is this happening after all I have been through in life? Why? I am sooooo angry. Why do you let this happen over and over and over?”
At the end of it all, when there was nothing left inside of her, she simply breathed. What then took place was very powerful. She felt as if she was there but not there and placed into a void of inner silence, a deep abiding place right there in the midst of the Palace where it was only her and God. It was as if she was at the very center of God’s heart. This place was silent, except for the consistent beating of peace and love. There was no avoiding God in this place. It was as if it was just her and God. No one else. Yet she could not move. She could barely breathe.