Someone once prophesied over me saying, “You will be a woman of faith”. That’s a lot of pressure for any person, IF you take that word and run with it based upon what you can do to make it work. Isn’t that what Tim Gunn always says on Project Runway? “Make it work.” When you have reached the end of all possibilities and you are staring at the dress form or the fabric and it seems there is no way to salvage anything of beauty from your current situation, he always says, “Make it work.”
Well, today I am staring at my life and I can’t make it work. I can’t work it up. I can’t faith it up. I can’t move it up. I can’t believe it up. So the next phase of my writing is simply being me with all my quirky characteristics, spoken to each of you in a depth of honesty from my heart. Why? To find my voice and my path, wading through these transitional waters into a new place. After thinking I knew exactly where I was heading all these years, I would like to declare, with all prophetic resonance hitting the spiritual atmosphere, “I can’t make it work.”
I believe faith is firmly established in my life when all my faith in faith, in me, in possibilities, in prophetic stuff, and everything in between is destroyed. It is then that I look down at the stuff, all the stuff that should have worked but did not work in reality. What do I do then? What does anyone do then? Well, first and foremost is to simply declare, through tears or without tears, “I can’t make it work.”
When all the possibility word speak is done and you are left standing in the midst of it all, you realize that you are in a crisis of faith. This is the obvious and this is the way it should be for us. A crisis of faith, for me, is not turning from God or walking away from my Christianity. My crisis of faith is finally being able to hear the answer to the question that I have been asking for years now. “Is there more than this?” Stripping away the externals, removing the props, and suddenly you are left standing in the midst of nothing. My crisis in faith is confronting the reality that I can do nothing, nothing, nothing apart from Him, Jesus Christ.
I no longer rise up trying to believe when I don’t actually believe anything will change. I am honest with my own heart. I rise up knowing He is able and walk through my day on a different foundation in a new reality. I no longer consistently declare stuff I don’t even truly believe. I wait in silence knowing that He is the way, the truth, and the life. I don’t want the hype anymore and the first place to see it destroyed is in me, right in me.
Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. NKJV
You see, I can’t make anything work in my life. I enter into the reality of being crucified with Christ, entering into His death to live in His resurrection, for that is life. I live in faith in the Son of God, in Him, in that place of faith that He establishes it for me and works it through me as I obey and rest in Him. It does not mean that life becomes filled with a false peace in an idyllic utopia but a reality that is foundationally secure. He lives through me. My ears are attuned to His Spirit. My life is secure in His way. My path is formed in His truth.