I’ve been given that quote many times in my life. Right now, it forms a strong foundation in me. Now it is truth, but not always. Getting to this place involved a lot of stripping away of non-essentials that I actually believed formed the essence of Debra. Now I know Debra, all the quirks and imperfections and there is nothing to prove about my person, my substance for I am in Christ, in union with Him. There is nothing to lose anymore and that is freedom. Here is my life in one verse.
Colossians 1:27 – “Christ in me, the hope of glory.”
I am in union with Christ. The me in Him is flowing each day in creativity and beauty. My life flows in action through the person of Christ in me. I don’t lose myself in excessive qualifications and justifications of who Debra is or is not anymore. Life is way too short for that. I found myself in Him, in His life and now I have nothing to prove in the midst of my life.
But, for years before this, there was a battle raging within me. In fighting to be accepted, I usually found myself out of the mix of the action. I did not like that at all. There was an inner emptiness in me formed from feeling alone and insecure that rejected this person called Debra. So I fought my life from a defensive position of trying to fit in or form myself to be accepted. Truth – I never was. I really never was. This only set up a circular motion of trying harder to prove my being to only be rejected again and to start the process all over again. I worked so hard at it that I lost myself in fear and shame. And, this happened as a Christian. And, this happened even when I walked in ministry. That just goes to show you, God anoints us despite our blatant imperfections.
For years, I walked into a room feeling so uncomfortable. I did not know how to have relationships. I did not know how to actually love people unconditionally. I lived behind a mask of fear – fear of being told that somehow, in some way, I was not right. Not in my actions, but in my being. That inner voice that consistently said that I was not right – my life, my looks, my voice, my thoughts, my beliefs. The funny thing about all of this is that most people think I am an extrovert because I can be outgoing when I need to be outgoing. In actuality, I went through all the motions at times because I was trying to find the Debra that I believed I actually was, and I was wrong. In finding Christ, I am finding me, the me He created me to be.
If you only knew some of my struggles, you would laugh. I do. Who is Debra? Ask that question to yourself. Who are you? Don’t try to prove anything. Be honest and forthright. I will start and then you write something out for yourself being totally honest. This is not self-indulgent okay. After all, it’s my blog and I hope this is helping you to be honest with yourself.
Passionate, yet can sometimes get quite angry and let out a few cuss words at times
Creative and spontaneous
Thrives on change and travel
A wife who loves her husband
A good but imperfect mom
People actually can tire me out if I am with them too much
I love solitude and times to be alone to read
I get bored so easy that I then get frustrated
I hate to cook
I love to read
I love reality shows
I despise condescension in any form coming from people
I love the underdogs because I am one
I absolutely love music of every type and every genre
Dogs are easier to be with then people at times and that is why I love Chloe, my French bulldog
I love to sit at dinner and really talk with my good friends over a great bottle of wine
I can’t live inland for the ocean makes me come alive
I love my friends because they really know me, really know me
I am a city girl married to a small town Texas man for 38 years and I believe it can’t get any better than that
I like confrontation and a good argument
I could go on forever but I will end here with a smile. Nothing to prove, nothing to lose. Oh yeah, one more thing…I love Starbucks, French fries and pizza.