God often speaks to me in one word or one-liners straight into my spirit. They can hit me when I least expect it or they can creep up slowly so as to infuse slowly over time into the foundation of my Christian life. The word ‘deconstruct’ has been in the slow infusion process in my life over the past month.
Deconstruct. Deconstruct. I hear it. I see it. I know it is working life in me to speak it forth as a source of encouragement and challenge. I am often a walking prophetic message carried in and through my life. In the past, I tried to ask God to do this some other way, but He doesn’t seem to hear me.
So I accept that I talk the talk only as I walk the walk. I impart to each of you that which dies and brings resurrection life in me so it can flow out to you in words of life.
Deconstruction. This is what God is doing in my life. What exactly does it mean? Let me show you first in this video. If you don’t see this video by email, just click on the link to go to the online version.
Deconstruct – selective dismantling of building components, specifically for re-use, recycling, and waste management. It differs from demolition where a site is cleared of its building by the most expedient means. It is referred to as “construction in reverse’. Deconstruction focuses on giving the materials within a building a new life once the building as a whole can no longer continue. It’s life construction, in reverse.
So, I am being broken down, torn apart, not for the sake of destruction or annihilation of who Debra is, but for the beautiful sake of reconstruction of who I am created to be in Christ. Some things just gotta go. He is tearing me down with His gentle hands of love to recreate someone greater with the life of Christ flowing through her. This verse comes to mind.
Christ’s life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not “mine,” but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20 Message)
There I am, laying in pieces on the ground. All my faults, my weaknesses put on display over the past years for all to see. The anger, the unresolved unforgiveness, the death of my sister, the near destruction of my marriage, ………there’s more but just a few examples will suffice for now. Right there in front of me, I see the results of a life broken beyond repair. Pieces of what could have been strewn around me. I fail to see anything that could come to greatness at this point. Who can put this all together?
There’s the deconstruction process. Bit by bit, piece by piece. Sometimes it hurt. Sometimes it lasted longer than I wanted it to last. Yet, all along, I submitted to it in various ways. Sometimes I cringed, got angry and threw things. Other times I simply resolved myself to the reality that I was a mess Better to bring it all down so that I can rise up again in His life. I used to get so tired of being me. Have you ever felt this way? Yet, things are quite nice right now, after years of deconstruction. It is tapering off a bit. Now, at this point in my life, I settle into stillness quite well, forgetting the noise of the world, coming apart to BE with Jesus Christ. In His life, I have life.
In this place of intimacy in Christ, He tears down, builds up, and deconstructs my life down to the basics. Down goes that wall of unforgiveness and anger. It serves no purpose. It is detrimental to my peace and my joy. Then bam, I am confronted with my own insecurity and down it goes, exploding quickly into pieces. I carried it for so many years, often using it as an excuse to procrastinate and withdraw from everything. Going through the house, He levels it all to bring it down to its foundation. There I am. All props gone. Presumptions flying into the distance. What’s left? Just the foundation. What exactly is that foundation? When all the props are brought down, there I stand in naked truth, barely recognizable yet so very alive. What now? Feeling so exposed and nowhere to hide. What now?
Well, it’s like this. I am being re-membered, put together oh so well to BE Debra. Bit by bit, piece by piece. What life has tried to steal, what evil has tried to destroy, God is restoring to my life in Christ. I cringe when I think that at my age I am finally finding out who I am created to be, walking in freedom and wholeness with each passing day. Why did I not get it sooner? Why now? Why the waste of time? Well, those words only show that there is always further need for some deconstruction, some tearing down. Deconstruction is a process that never goes away. I am always in the process of being remodeled and remolded for I am human in every way.
Here are some great words by CS Lewis that goes along with all of this. Enjoy!
Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself. ~CS Lewis, Mere Christianity,
In Christ, Debra
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