Ever second-guess yourself? It feels like your focus is cracking right before your eyes. One minute you are so sure, so positive. The next moment, what was so clear suddenly seems distant and a bit fearful to you.
When I initially move out in faith, making a decision to follow God at all costs, I feel as strong as a lion, able to conquer the world. In an atmosphere of faith, I feel strong. I know God will supply. I know He will never leave me or forsake me. I also know that His ways are not our ways. Others may not easily understand the path He chooses for us. I know this. I truly do – in an atmosphere or faith, during prayer or worship.
But then…here comes reality. I walk forth and face the day. Here they come. Disturbing questions filled with doubt and fear, wanting to challenge my decision to walk by faith and not by sight. (Which after all is normal Christianity -walking by faith and all.)
In that moment of decision to go for the gold, boldness rises up in me. What I don’t often see is that a new day will bring accusations to deflect my courage with fear and worry, trying to undermine my faith in Christ.
The next day dawns filled with exhilarating fresh possibilities. A new way, a fresh anointing, new ideas, a new move, a new adventure in Christ. I’m ready.
Suddenly, from the edge of my thought universe, doubt begins to sabotage my faith with penetrating questions. Did I really hear that? What if _____ (Fill in the blanks.) Oh my God, what now? What then? I begin to second-guess myself on every level.
Yesterday, I stood in an atmosphere infused with faith. Today? I doubt. Natural sight takes over and spiritual sight seems nebulous and vague. The very thought of what I heard the day before seems strange, out-of-place, unattainable. It sounds crazy to me. If I speak this out to anyone, they will think I have lost my mind.
Right now, I stand in the midst of a crossroads. Moving is upon us again, at some point in the near future. Our choices may be to go back overseas or conveniently move just a few hours down the road ALONG with every conceivable option in between. We don’t know but we sense change is upon us….soon.
This is not new to me. God keeps Marvin and I on the edge, trusting Him with our lives on every level. Yet, side by side with each renewed commitment of faith, to risk and adventure, comes questions of accusations from the enemy.
What if I move and nothing happens? Isn’t it safer to stay here and at least I know what I have here? But, what do I have here? What if money runs out? What if I heard wrong? (That’s a biggie!) What if this sets me on a course of no return? (Yes, it can get that ominous and bleak after a moment of an intense faith decision.)
If in any way, I bow to the ‘what if’ I then run head on into the next level of doubt, the ‘what now.’ This next level of challenge constructs a scenario of impending doom.
“This will cost you. What will you do when your retirement is gone? Settle in. Look for a job. Have a nice life. Play a little golf. Read some good books. Go see some movies. Soon you can even get the senior price. Don’t think so big at this point.”
If that is not enough, here comes another one as I continue to create scenarios based on fear, worry and doubt. Here comes the ‘what then?” After all is said and done, the ‘what then’ keeps implying that after my step of so-called faith, I am stuck, with no way out of the mess I created by presuming to hear the voice of God and actually trusting Him through it all.
“You have made your bed, now lie in it. Are you crazy? What do you think you are doing?”
In other words, once we walk out on this limb we are on our own. Don’t look for God to bail you out. What then? This decision can really cost you. After all, who steps out on an uncharted adventure after 55? Don’t I know that I should settle down and settle in to what the rules say at my age…………..retire, don’t take chances – so many lies, so very many lies.
Yet, there is a generation of adults like me that will not settle for anything less than what the younger generation wants – adventure and journey in Christ, living in the supernatural each day of our lives. Responding to the sound of heaven. Listening the beat of a different sound in Christ.
No, the young generation is not going it alone, thinking they can conquer the world because of their youth. (Even though prophecy after prophecy seems to say that.) I dispute that on every level. New levels of faith are challenging every age to move out in Christ into uncharted waters trusting Him with our lives.
The enemy uses doubt, anxiety, fear and worry to try to forge a path right in front of me. These accusatory questions try to accuse God – of His love for me and His great grace that empowers me to walk by faith, not by sight.
Our lives seems to be charted on a course of faith, led by Holy Spirit in unique ways and in diverse paths. We knew our time in Southern California was temporary. And, we knew that at some time, directed by God, He was calling us out to walk by faith in a new way. He is our resource on every level of our lives. Will we move back to Finland? Will we move to Texas? Or is there another direction coming that we don’t see right now? Time will tell BUT we refuse to listen to a fear-based scenario rising up side by side to our commitment to lay our lives down for His purpose.
Don’t second-guess what you believe you have heard from the Lord. Of course, there is a path of wisdom to walk out and test the waters that what you are hearing is indeed from God. I am not advocating moving out in emotions, presumption, assumption, sin, passion, lust or control.
His sheep hear His voice. It’s time to start trusting in His voice that leads us in His way. And that way may be off the beaten path of normality. Take it anyway.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV)
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