Life is experienced within a divine tension between where I stand right now and where I want to be in the future, my not yet. Living in this tension is not always easy and sometimes in deep frustration I may want to escape from my own life. Over the past 10 years, while trying to build a ministry, I continually focused on my not yet times, discounting the beauty waiting to be revealed in the moments that were right before me.
This cost me friendships, unique life experiences that were right before me. But, I was driven, seeking a passionate pursuit of promises in my not yet future. Rather than waiting on God, enjoying the journey, I often disregarded my day, focusing ahead, in a hurry to get there. Looking back, I was filled with regret over what could have been that I simply did not see. There were moments hidden in my day to day that I bypassed looking for more important endeavors.
While I lived in Abu Dhabi, I focused on Finland. When I was in Finland, I focused on Abu Dhabi. When I was in the States close to my family, I was always thinking about something else. God revealed to me how often I was not in the moment. I was present but my mind was captivated by something else, always. I am very thankful that God does indeed redeem the time, making all things new, with fresh starts instead of false starts.
All along this journey, people kept giving me the same prophetic word, over and over, in various ways, through various people at various times.
Debra, God says to rest.
Holy Spirit is teaching you to rest.
Those words became a thorn in my flesh because my flesh was concentrating on making ministry happen. I almost disdained that word – rest. Why? Because it hit my heart at a place I needed healing and I didn’t want to deal with it. It’s the same sad story for many of us. Trying to please God. Performing to prove ourselves to others and to God. Trying to win His approval. I’m sure many of you reading this can relate to this constant pursuit to be accepted by God for how you perform.
I wanted to build, to grow a ministry, to find my place in time, to access my destiny. Along the way, there were many false starts as you can read from the previous blog post. I lived looking ahead, constantly. When God finally saw fit to shut it all down, I struggled with rejection, feeling abandoned and deep regret. Then guilt also set in trying to make it right. What a mess!
Rest, trust, abiding. I get it……….now.
Life is short on this earth. Keep the main thing the main thing. Never forget it. Life is filled with moments of hidden potential. Yet, they are lost if we continually focus and fill our time with the not yet in the future. Our focused pursuit of this not yet trying to make it happen or trying to get ahead leaves us completely bankrupt. Sadly, we don’t see it until some future point that we strive to get to achieve what we think we want. We find it only leaves us empty.
I thank God that each day is filled anew with His mercy and grace. I thank Him that there are second chances, third chances, fourth chances…..
All God’s promises will come to pass, in His timing and In His way. By faith I access the not yet future through spiritual vision. I walk day by day, looking at my horizon line, knowing God knows the way. Through visions, prophetic words, and dreams, God reveals to me great and glorious things for me to do now and in the not yet future. I walk. I live. I trust. Life is a continual journey, one to be explored, a great adventure. My life in Christ flows in sync with eternity’s divine rhythm while living on earth. That is Christianity at its finest.
Each day holds beauty, moments filled with astonishing revelation of His abounding grace. I accept the now times of my life, living each day to the fullest. I don’t discount the day, no matter how routine or boring life may appear to be. Life’s mundane routines hold the glory of Christ. There are moments in each day, which hold keys to hidden doors, waiting to be opened into wide places of opportunity. I open my eyes to see, right now.
The future is realized through walking in sync with God in my now. I don’t have to run to get there. It will unfold right before my eyes as I focus on intimacy with the Lord. I am learning to be content and in that there is great wisdom.