Out of the overflow or abundance of my heart, my mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45)
At some point, what goes in will come out.
When God began to deal with and heal anger in my life, He gave me free reign to say what I wanted anytime I wanted to. Since I didn’t respect those small inner promptings of Holy Spirit to watch my tongue, God basically said, “Go for it.” Then He stood back and watched as I spoke with passion (that’s what I called it). God called it anger, frustration, pain and control.
There were more times than I care to remember when people close to me felt the sting of my words. Looking back, I saw it in their eyes as my verbal assault hit their hearts. I saw them reel back in hurt. My words formed a battlefield of provocation and destruction, warlike in their nature. Fighting the good fight of “No compromise” or being a “Defender of Truth”, I was a master at wounding others rather than face my own pain. I was in a war.
The war going on in my own soul – the constant battle trying to hold on to my broken life through the only weapon I had – my words.
Who was I at war with?
Myself. The overflow of my own pain formed its strategy; speaking words that hurt instead of heal. Let me say this again. God gave me total freedom to say what I wanted to say. It seemed to be the only way He could capture my attention.
As I lost friends and dismantled ministry opportunities, my eyes soon opened to actually see what I was doing. Now what?
God knows what is written in my book of destiny in heaven, my scroll.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them
(Psalms 139:15-16 NKJVS)
There was a definite disconnect inside of me between who God made me to be and how I lived in my pain. Not knowing His love and His kindness toward me, I constantly lived in the tension of confusion and loneliness, always trying to prove myself with words that flowed in anger as a defense mechanism against facing myself. This tension became a breeding ground of guilt, shame and regret. Always regret at lost time, lost friendships and who knows what else?
But, God knows. He always knows.
He knows I am called to speak words of spirit, truth and life. Out of the overflow of my heart, my mouth speaks. There’s that disconnect again. I am called to bring out powerful words of healing and restoration, words that challenge and confront. Instead I did just the opposite on a daily basis. I say daily basis because in the process of healing I actually was sick of hearing my own self-talk.
How many times did I leave situations where I wanted to kick myself for being so outrageously pompous and uncaring?
But, God knows. He always knows.
And, He is in the business of healing. Because He loves us. And He wants us to flow in life in His purpose. There are people waiting to hear our words, waiting to be healed and waiting to hear the love of Christ. There are many needing to be challenged with words of hope. Others need confrontational love to redirect them out of their addictions and misplaced passions with a strong word from a strong heart.
So where does it all start? With me. With you. Out of the overflow of my heart, my mouth speaks. Healing to my heart produces healing in my words. Words that are anointed with passion, wisdom and grace.
Where is all this going today? I remember in a blog post long ago, I said that these blogs would not always end with a firm grasp on conclusion but would rather challenge and grow in process so that you could read and see how your life may parallel some of these thoughts.
I am daily mediating on sound, voice, frequency, wavelength…………..and this is just the start of this particular blog journey. More coming.