Looking Out, Looking In – A Spiritual Vision Unfolds – My Journal

2770652191_67aeac9902_zStanding on the edge of a cliff, I look out over a beautiful panoramic view of a valley. I then look down at my feet, planted firmly in this spot.

Questions stir in me, shooting against the walls of my mind, each trying to one up the other in wanting me to make a decision…………apart from the Spirit of God. This internal conversation goes on and on and on.


There is tension brewing within me between what is out there and what is right here. My heart cries out for adventure, yet the practicality of life’s day-to-days keep me anchored to my own fears in real-time. In the place that I stand right now, comfort and convenience can often become my best friends. Life can be lived through a lens of being too careful and too confined. Thank you Holy Spirit that you keep opening my spirit to see my life through an eternal lens of what it is in Christ not what it is in the world.

Is there a clear direction coming soon? Is there an answer to these weighty questions that I have been carrying for so long? I hope so. I don’t want to stand here forever. I like a change of scenery. I want to move within that sweet spot called destiny, called purpose.

Change is GoodChange is good. Change is in my DNA, or at least that is what I keep telling myself, over and over and over.

Yet why is it that at times, I fight this overarching storyline of my life? Why is it that I won’t always accept my own joy in spontaneity, travel and change? The voice of regret likes to remind me about what this has cost me, the price paid over years of travel. Lost time. Lost memories. Lost friendships. Sigh……….wait a minute. If I buy into this, regret would have its way and tell me what my life should have been like…….like this, like that. And if regret had its way, I would never ben standing on the edge of this cliff.

Lost in my thoughts, I smile and look up again to see this beautiful expanse of valley. Something occurs to me. I can’t stand here forever and at some point I have to shorten the distance between here and there. How? Jumping. There’s no way back. The distance between here and there must first be reconciled in me before any new step of adventure is before me

“Define yourself,” an inner voice whispers.

I think for a brief moment before words start flowing out of my inner being.

Words Words WordsTravel
Coffee shops
Writing Dreaming Photo this Photo that Creativity Originality Movement Intentional Spontaneous Sound Music Worship Vision

I could go on and on and on but at this point I sense Jesus is smiling. I have been brought to the edge of this cliff for such a time as this. All these words are open-ended. They come alive within action and action involves faith and faith always involves risk and cutting against the grain of what is normal or acceptable. These words integrate my purpose and infuse my being.

So, why am I still standing here, frustrated at times? I am the one holding me back. True reconciliation must take place inside myself in order to move. I have to come to terms with who I am. Not the terms of what anyone says but who God says that I am, how He is forming my life.

I must look at me, the ‘me’ Jesus forms, Holy Spirit breathes into and Father God loves. I am my biggest obstacle to my own well being by allowing so many others to write the script of my life at times, while I passively look on and accept their terms.

What’s next? I don’t know. I’m still standing in this place, on the edge. Been here for a while but I perceive it won’t be for long. This place? It’s been about 4 years now. Preaching about the edge. Talking about faith. Out of the box journey and adventure yet…..I am still here on the edge. Why?

God is doing something so deep in me that it goes beyond anything I have ever been through up to this point in my Christian life. I can’t always define it. I don’t always know exactly what it is. I only know that at some point I will be asked to jump. I hope that what Scripture says is true. I know it is but again….faith in action? There’s always a few questions asked by even the most spiritual of us.

Soaring Eagle


But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind. (Isaiah 40:31 Message)


This is all preparation time for me into the next phase of my life. One thing I do realize. We never arrive. We are always in journey. And there will be another time that I find myself at the edge of a cliff in preparation to jump once again.

For now, I wait, looking out, looking in. As these two perspectives are reconciled, I will jump into my next place of glory and faith. Christianity is exciting. Or at least I see it that way. Enjoy the journey!


In Christ,
About Me
Rivers of Eden Ministry

Breaking of the Dawn

Waking up early to clear my mind and engage with the Lord. It has been a hellish 5 years for many of us but it is a new day and a new year. So I am going all out prophetic in this blog. For the past few years, I have gone one way and another way only to find myself full circle back to who I am – creatively prophetic moving in Holy Spirit engaging in the awesome adventure of Christianity, hoping to enlist a generation to join me along the way.

Man in rising sunFor many years, I listened to prophetic words come and go about breakthroughs and shifts but then came this year……..I can’t explain it nor do I want to but I sense deep in my spirit that God is going to do beyond what we can even imagine this year in our lives, our families, dreams, purpose destiny. It is a shift that has taken place in the Spirit and it is real, substantial and true.

A shift in the Spirit is just that………heaven manifesting on earth in Holy Spirit through Christ Jesus in fresh, new ways. Example: For many years, I developed a cynical attitude about anything prophetic. In doing that, I actually fought against my own DNA in whom God called me to be. Not good.

Cynicism cut my supply line to eternal reality. I kept writing it all out here on the blog as to what I deeply desired but living it lacked the spontaneity, adventure and love for Jesus that I so desperately needed in my daily life. Cynicism internally attached itself to everything and actually killed passion and hope in my life for a time. The antidote to cynicism is repent and believe again. I have done that. Passion is restored and hope sets a path of light in my life.

Each day as I wake up to the breaking of the dawn, I sit and worship, pray, read Scripture and wait on God to talk. And…..He does…. in glorious and marvelous ways. The word comes alive as I believe and I see small things begin to transpire in a new day.

EyeFor instance, I had 2 distinct, clear visions. One was of China where I stood in the land and walked the land, praying. I then saw myself taking a sheer scarf and waving it over the land in an intensity of prayer. This back up many prophetic  words from times past about a journey into China for ministry and intercession.

Truth: God is bringing back many things from our past (people, promises, dreams), placing them right in the present in order to open a door to the future.

The other vision involved an increased passionate heart for Europe where I saw a black veil being pulled over the nations. Yet I knew that when darkness increases, light increased so much more and His glory rules and reigns. The darkness is real. Yet there is coming resurrection power that will sweep through a remnant of people that will not bow their knee to that reality but will rise and shine in the power of light and sound to establish the Kingdom through Europe. Great days for Europe. Great days.

Shortly after getting these two visions, an invitation came to go back to Poland to minister prophetically. Here was the manifestation – heaven on earth.

Each day I wake up to something new taking place in my life…….small things, bigger things and everything in between. From this place of faith in the goodness and glory in Christ, I step into what God reveals and believe. From that place, He opens up more and more to me in the realm of connections, a few open doors and increasing revelation.

He is soooo good. Believe and receive…..let Him reveal Himself to you in ways that are awesome and true. Take steps of obedience, small at first, and He guides, leads provides and definitely surprises us along the way.



In Christ,
About Me
Rivers of Eden Ministry

The Journey Part 2/3 – Me: What if, God? What was? God: What now?

IMG_5481Over the years, I lived in many places ordained by the hand of God. These were places that I loved, places that I liked and places that I did not want to be in at all. Each place was multifaceted in its purpose to help me grow in Christ. I didn’t always see it at the time but God is greater than me. I don’t discount anymore that wherever God places me, there are adventures for me, journeys in the spirit, and many lessons to be learned.

God tells me to settle in. (Please know right at the start I am not saying to stay in any abusive environment or relationship. Never, okay?) I am not only talking about physical location, okay? Settle into His plan for me, in whatever location I find myself. Whether I am in the desert in the Middle East or in the city of LA, He knows where I am at every moment. He sees me.

He always knows what He wants to ‘get at’ in me and His grace is always in abundance for the moment and season at hand. Grace is the oil that helps me move through the hard places. Without grace, I could not do it because everything in me avoids pain or suffering at all costs. Yet, it is in the suffering that growth occurs. That’s a lesson I learn each day, as I grow older.

God says to me, ‘Settle into the NOW. Trust Me. My grace is sufficient – grace to overcome, to grow, and to live. When the time is right, there will be another grace place. For now, this is it.”

And He said to me, “ My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9 NKJVS)

Let’s face it. It is hard to BE in some places – jobs, marriages, family situations, and even church environments. Any other suggestions? I am sure there are many facing you right now. God says to settle in – into what? Into Him – wherever you are. He is not unaware of your suffering. He is not mean, angry or vindictive. He is a good Father and a good Father allows discipline for growth. We don’t always get out and we don’t always get what we want. That is the message of the false prophets of the day, okay?

Today’s blog may make a bit more sense if you read “The Journey Out Is By Settling In” from yesterday. The Jews wanted OUT. God wanted IN. For God to BE in their lives, He sent Jeremiah to tell them to settle down and to live right in the now.

For YouMy life can often flow in a divine tension: moving between what was, what is and what will be. The past, the present and the future. My thoughts can flow into all directions if I allow them to. Grace calls me to live in the now for His grace is sufficient for me and Christ is in me. That places me in His rest but I also remember, I am human, not robotic. There are up days and down days. His grace is always sufficient for my life. My focus is to live in the now, taking one step at a time, trusting God for His promises in my future. I am learning not to get ahead of God by trying to avoid learning patience along with wisdom, NOW.

In the past, I discounted the value of my “NOW” lessons and wanted out. In doing that, I missed many opportunities that I can’t get back and regret always tries to pull me back there. I can’t go there anymore. It is self-defeating.

What do I do? I settle into the NOW, knowing there is a purpose to it and God’s timing is perfect for me.

Here’s my perfect example. When I lived in Abu Dhabi, my focus was always on the future, not the now. How to build a ministry. How to position myself so people did not forget about me. How to be in the mix with people in case they forgot me. In doing that, I often missed some divine opportunities in the present, living in Abu Dhabi. I did learn a lot there and saw a lot but I passed up several opportunities to travel into the Seychelles, or India, or Turkey because it did not fit into my focus of building a ministry for the future. God was in the now, I was in the future. For that reason, I often went back to Finland to stay on top of a ministry, rather than settling into the NOW in Abu Dhabi where there was an abundance of opportunities I missed.

Seeing this now, I often struggle with regret. I have many more examples of this weakness in my life. What I am happy to say is that I don’t really do this anymore. I am in the NOW rather than living in the past. I am in the NOW trusting God with each step. Remember, you may want out, but God may want in…..to your life.

DebraIn Christ,

I would love to speak at your conference, gathering, church or home group. Contact me here, on Facebook or on Twitter. Enjoy reading about Rivers of Eden and the Timeline of our Life!