Creative Expression – He Is Enough

Note to Self: You are EnoughThis is a journey. The dream in the previous blog will help you understand what I am writing here in this blog. When God decides to get my attention, He gives me a dream. Why? Is it because that is the way He usually talks to me? No, I rarely dream, so when I do dream, they are detailed and accurate. I pay attention to my dreams.

My dreams answer questions, those questions that are moving like a deep current under the surface of my life. Those questions that I can’t even articulate but I know that they are stirring within me and need to be answered. At those times, I am looking at God. He is looking at me. I have no words but He hears the cry of my heart. The yearning that says “Jesus I don’t understand.” The silence that says, “I don’t know what to do. What do I do?” The tears that say, “You are there, aren’t You?”

Back to the dream – I stand and look back into the house. There they are; all the people who hurried back in, sitting with their groups. Here I am, standing on the outside. I turn and look in the other direction for that is what God is clearly saying to me. The path is not exactly clear but He knows the way. I seem to know that to get through this narrow door (Read this blog please) I will have to lighten my load, getting rid of excessive weight that holds me down and ties me to the past. I wholeheartedly agree it is time. Now is the time.

What weighs me down? Past hurts, wounds losses, rejections, insecurities, and fears. Does that cover it? Yes, I think it does. This time it is real and it is essential for the journey ahead. There is no way to get around it. As a Christian, it is time to stop playing games and get real, at least for me. That means a journey of honesty and confrontation. Enjoy this journey of honesty with me. I can lay it all down so that I am freer and freer and you can walk this out too.

Walking one step away from the house, I hear the Spirit of the Lord say this to me, “You, Debra, are a a woman with a strong sense of justice.” These words shot through my heart awakening me to their truth. Just a few words in one sentence confronted a big reality in my life and how I perceive things. This strong sense of justice wanted to run back into that house and begin to rail at all those people with their pride, their arrogance, the presumed condescension, and their obvious rejection of me. I wanted vindication and a sense that a wrong could be made right and they would see that I was somebody. But, that strong sense of justice was one thing that had to go to lighten my load in this journey.

You see, this strong sense of justice to make people see that they have hurt me was unintentionally binding me to the past and this deep need for closure. Unfortunately, life does not always bring closure. Our need to be righted when wronged or our feeling of entitlement for wrongs done to us does not always come but there is a better way. Justice for all the wrongs done to us is settled on the cross. It is finished. I see that all that I have held onto in my life has been seen by Jesus – my hurts, my sorrows, my pain. He has healed them in His life, for me. He died so that I have life in Christ. If I do not see that the life I live, I live in Christ, then I will continue to seek vindication for wrongs done to my life. This sense of justice formed my life and kept me looking to the past. Now I see, I will lay some things down and pick them up no more. It is finished.

creativityLeaders whose words of condescension cut me like a knife. I stand and say, “It is finished. I forgive.” Many who looked past me or around me, believing that I just did not have the ‘goods’, while I was willing in my heart to give all I could to bring them to the glorious reality of Christ Jesus, I stand and say, “It is finished. I forgive.” There are so many more situations and people who I can talk about today but I believe I get it right now and I hope you do too. To walk away into a broad place, a new vista in Christ, I lighten my load of what I have carried for so long. The case that I have raised against them has been closed this day and I do not seek vindication of retribution of any kind from any man. It is a great feeling within me. Honesty is wonderful and when you have nothing to prove, you have nothing to lose.

This is a spiritual journey for me, written not in analytical form, but in a creative supernatural way. Through dreams, visions, and revelation from the Word in the Spirit, I write this blog for this is my life. I see that now. See this in the Spirit and hear by the Spirit what I am saying here. This is the beginning of a new path in Christ, one that I have waited for these past years. Religion died in me so that intimacy in Christ and relationship with Him lives in me. Enjoy this journey with me. Walking away from the house seems a bit easier now after this blog.

What about you? I know it may be hard to share in-depth things right here, right now but I would like to hear from you. Thank you for any encouragement you may give to me, but I would also like to hear your heart.

Creative Expression: Is Anyone Listening? – The Dream

SoundwaveAs I toss in my bed, I am thinking about how often I am unnoticed, even in a room full of people. I am often unheard even when I am called to speak to a group of people. I know that it is not my imagination but it is a deep frustration within me. I am pondering these thoughts while gently nodding off to sleep.

Suddenly my eyes open and I am standing in the great room of a large house. I look around, surprised, trying to make sense of it. This place is completely unfamiliar to me. “How did I get here?” I ask myself. Then, in an instant, I realize I am in a dream.

There are many people gathered in this house, distinctly unaware of me. I keep thinking, “Where did all these people come from?” I know that I am called to be the speaker of this gathering, but it seems quite amusing to me since I don’t know these people or I don’t know where I am. Looking around and surveying the scene, I notice that the house seems to be naturally sectioned off into groups of people. They are divided not by walls or rooms but by ‘people types’. This makes quite an interesting scenario to me.

To my left, I see men dressed in suits sitting on antique dining room chairs, ebulliently talking to one another with fervor and passion. They are leaning in to their circle, a sign that the conversation is intense and interesting.

Off to one side, I see people sitting on plush couches, relaxed and laughing. They seem to be waiting for something to happen with great expectancy.

live-with-passion-cuff-sterling-silverThen off to my right, I see some people sitting quite uncomfortably on folding chairs, looking a bit uneasy, shy and reserved. There were so many different types of people all around the house.

They have come to hear me speak. I know. I just know. How to get them to listen? That is the question in my mind right now. Minutes pass by as I keep thinking how to get their attention. “What to do?” I ask myself. “They aren’t going to settle down on their own.”

Without raising my voice, I began to speak to the group. My voice is neither loud nor soft, but fitting into the mix of the sound of the voices in the house. I am hoping that someone hears me, then another, and another until the room quiets down and I get their attention. That did not work. My words seem to blend into the mix of the sound of voices, having no effect in changing the atmosphere.

Quite unlike myself, I am not frustrated at all. I know in my heart that I will not fight to be heard. I also will not force myself to be seen or noticed at this time. I stand there and wait for an idea. I have experienced this so many times in my life, those moments when you realize that you are not a priority but just an option to those to whom you are sent to bring words of life. Thoughts flood my mind. Thoughts of times past where this has happened to me before. Giving my all, I have often been placed in situations where I am unseen and unheard.  

I have been sent here to speak forth what God has placed on my heart. I surmise that to get their attention, something has to happen, or they will go on this way, in their own self-absorbed world, for a long time. In just a few short minutes, a fire alarm begins to ring very loudly. I had no part in making this happen but I knew instinctively what to do. I spoke loud, clear and with authority. “Everyone outside,” I said. “Now!”

With the sound of these words, people throughout the house began walking toward the door to head out to the back yard. They formed a line across the back of the house. No one was speaking. It was silent except for the sound of the alarm. The alarm eventually stopped and then, the silence was all that remained. I stood on one side of the yard and a line of people faced me from the other side. Having their full attention, staring at me, I started to open my mouth and found that nothing came out. I had nothing to say.

Standing there like a complete fool, I was unable to move and unable to speak. The people started to get restless and within minutes, they proceeded to go back into the house. They walked by me as I stood there.  I turned and saw through the windows that they walked right back to their previous groups and began to pick up in conversation where they had left off. I was still standing on the lawn, alone. The words, which I had to speak, were still pulsing within me like fire in my veins, but they did not flow forth. 

At that moment I woke up, eyes open, wondering what this dream actually was all about. Then my eyes closed and I dozed off again for a short while. Then frustration came upon me because I felt helpless and unable to change my situation. I was still hidden, unseen and unheard. I kept thinking of different scenarios that would have given me some answers to this dream. Should I have walked back into the house and demanded that they listen to me? What would it take to be seen?

Enjoy the JourneyMy dream did not come with closure, at least not the type of closure that I wanted. I wanted clear answers and some type of vindication. I did not get any of this. So, after praying and thinking for some time, I realized that the dream was open-ended and that by the Holy Spirit, the story shown in my dream continued with my eyes wide open. “Is this possible?” I wondered. Then as I briefly closed my eyes, I began to dream again, while awake. There before me was a path, a new path in Christ. The path of my life – a way outside the confines of normality, one in which there would be adventure and joy. I could not go back into the house. That was not possible for me. After all these years of wanting to be heard or seen, or needing to be affirmed by people in the mix, I knew that I was meant to walk a different path in my life. This dream showed me that I knew there was no going back now. So what now? Again, this is a creative journey that works itself out as I walk it day by day in Christ. Enjoy the journey with me!

A Circular Flow – Creativity in Christ

quotes-on-adventure-2I preached a message once about Circular Christianity”. Perhaps I will blog about it in the future but for now, I will give you a one paragraph shortened version of it all. Jesus did not live life according to a linear reality such as a timeline. He allowed people and situations to impact His life along His journey. He knew that He came from the Father and was going back to the Father (Circular Rhythm). In this way of life, He stopped, led by the Holy Spirit, for anything that intersected with His life. He moved circularly if you get my picture visually. He lived creatively to the sound of heaven. So He valued the day-to-day, led by the Spirit. His life was full and quite busy, yet He moved in rest.

We, on the other hand, are driven and always complaining about having so little time. Our timelines go forward in time, with key moments that intersect our life – birth, marriage, babies, jobs, travel, and death. Sometimes, between birth and death, we really don’t actually live because we are driven from point to point. Why not allow the creativity of the Holy Spirit to impact your life? This may sound ridiculous if you are driven to achieve and work for hours on end each week, but quantity is not what I am talking about here but quality of life.

Look at Jesus briefly with me right now. He lived a life, moving in the Spirit, with a flow that was sourced in peace and rest. Can I say the same? In a way I can because I do live my life like this now, but I did not do this always. Jesus moved circularly. Meditate on this a bit. He knew where He came from and where He was going back to and everything in between had purpose because His focus was on an eternal purpose moving through His life in the earthly realm. That is life, abundant and full.

jesus_center-448x220John 4 – Jesus and the woman at the well. He stopped. Against all cultural constraints, He stopped and her life was changed forever more. Speaking prophetically over her life, He brought forth revelation that challenged the darkness in her life with the light of the Living Word.

John 9:6 – Jesus spit on the ground, made clay with His Saliva and anointed a blind man’s eyes. The man received his sight through this creative act. Jesus heard the Father give Him a creative revelation. This changed the man forever and the people observing this miracle.

Matthew 19:13 – Jesus calls the children to lay hands on them for prayer. Children love the circular moments of life. Have you noticed that they stop for the most obscure things that capture their attention? The disciples rebuked Jesus for this. Go figure right? Should not be a surprise. They lived linearly and were only worried about earthly cares and concerns.

Jesus chose 12 diverse, unique men from various backgrounds.  What more can be said about this right? Look at the church. Look carefully. The church honors uniformity and conformity. Jesus challenged this with diversity and creativity.

There is much more to say on this and so many examples. The rest is for you to explore as you pray. Jesus will reveal truth to you right where you are in life. So why am I writing on this? It is because I am a creative thinker, a spontaneous believer, and a woman who loves adventure. I know there are more like me out there. What to do? I refuse to accept man-made Christianity. I surrender to the flow of the Holy Spirit in my life. I listen to the sound of heaven, only doing what I hear the Father saying to me. It is not only possible. It is the only way to live.