I would love to hear from you. Be respectful, authentic – your own experience. Testimony always builds up our faith, individually and corporately.
“Words, words, words, I’m so sick of words. I get words all day through, first from him, now from you. Is that all you blighters can do? Don’t talk of love burning above. If you’re in love, show me. Tell me no dreams, filled with desire. If you’re on fire, show me.” My Fair Lady
Eliza Doolittle sang this song in My Fair Lady. She basically says “If you’re in love show me.” She confronts her beau’s excessive words which express his love for her, by exclaiming that words alone won’t cut it. There is not enough expressed and manifested action to back up the words. Like Christianity in many ways, don’t you think? At least that is what I think for my life today in my own Christianity.
Let me continue to connect the dots for you in this blog post. Follow along by reading this verse.
20 For the kingdom of God is not in word but in power. (1 Corinthians 4:20 NKJV)
I have been on one heck of a journey in my Christianity. Haven’t we all? After years of performing in religion and more years after that, I run from so much word based Christianity that I can’t see any movement of the Spirit. In case we have to remind ourselves, Christianity is formed in the word (the Living Word) and the Spirit. Both are necessary to be formed for a life in the Spirit. The kingdom – talk and walk.
I read this post by Sarah Bessey yesterday and I saw so much of my own feelings in it that I want to share it here. I loved her post. We may differ in many ways but the foundation of her thoughts seem to line up with my own beliefs.
I lost something. I am getting it back. I have been saying that for some time now but each day things get clearer and clearer to me.
Facebook is glutted with excessive words. So I went down my feed and simply unfriended many people, not out of anger or any emotion. I just don’t see the point anymore. There are so many words out there. Grace people, prophetic people, evangelical people, and more and more. As I have said before, my weariness in all of it has reached a point where I just want to be free from it all. Hence the need to purge my list and to be me, even if me is the only one listening to me or reading me. That’s good enough. I am not blogging to convery some irrelevant ideas but to share my life, walking down a path of life, that is taking me somewhere in Him, Jesus Christ.
Since when has Christianity built up on words and words alone? On understanding or needing to be understood? Since when has truth been deconstructed to a message packaged to meet the needs of people or to make them feel comfortable or more secure? Since when? The life of Jesus was so messy. He walked around making everyone feel uncomfortable but yet so unconditionally loved if they would take it.
I love life. I am a passionate adult. I was a passionate child. I am giving up all justification and explanation as to why I feel the way I do about some things. That hinders growth. That is also for treatises, or discourses and this is but a mere blog. I am a woman of the word and I seem to avoid speaking of my experiences or my life in the Spirit because I still fear that I will seem flaky. Hey, I am quirky but not flaky. And the way I see it, I am in good company with many other quirky people in Scripture.
What happened? I remember some years back going to Italy and just walking the streets of Rome, praying, praying and praying led by the Spirit. Or what about that Detroit trip that I took years ago where the Spirit led me into places and meeting people that made me feel like I was in the book of Acts. There were many more trips and so much grace and glory. What happened?
I feel this constant tension in me that I am learning to live with day by day. Great tension blog.
I still feel that I am being deconstructed to get to the basic of Debra’s. Great deconstruction blog.
I am leaving all the camps. The grace camp, the evangelical camp, the Baptist camp, the Pentecostal camp, the prophetic camp. I am not starting my own. Haha! I am detoxing from it all and looking at Jesus and learning of Him by the Spirit in this season. I am not anti-church. We are looking for one right now, a community in which to share our life and to bring life to others.
Why leave the camps? Because it’s the same ole’ same ole. All these grace guys….just that. All the guys…..need I say more. No woman. Hmmmm, I’ll stop there. God will make a way to get past that stuff. I love them.
The prophetic camp. I still love them. I am part of that quirky stuff, seen by many as detrimental to the health of all Christianity. Yet, I won’t be part of the incessant crying out for more, devaluing my positions and experiences in Christ.
I am generalizing, not judging, all of this but I know you get the picture. I feel inside myself there is still a tension, a God ordained tension, breaking the membrane of my limited vision and helping me to see again with new vision. I am fighting to find my voice amidst a world with lots of noise. It is essential for me and you to find our voice. What if we don’t? Well, I guess then I can spend my life on Facebook liking all the iconic people who simply say one sentence and get 100-500 likes. I can become a groupie who may only parrot ideas rather than voice internal conviction. A bit of sarcasm perhaps? I don’t mean to, but it is true.
I am not fighting for individuality at the expense of peace or rest but I am seeking my brand in Christ. I am seeing myself in Christ alone. That is not contrary to grace or an add on to dilute its message. Had it not been for grace, I would not be at this place of awareness? I am living in tension, yet in rest.
Just a bit more of my ramblings here. Tension is a good thing. Tension blog again. I am not at war within myself. It’s just so darn easy to fit in… and to be part of a rising template of clones. I can’t do that and yet I don’t see myself as rebellious. I am in the fight of my life, in a good way, of course.
I was called to be a prophet. I did not want to say that out of shame, guilt and condemnation by others. So, in not at least saying it at times, I lived in a loss of identity, trying to latch on to anything but not really fitting in. Yet how can I deny that night and that experience, that voice of God to me? I can’t deny that experience of being called as my reality. Today is my breaking out, not breaking bad. Haha- could not resist that.
I am called as a prophet but I have no platform to speak so I speak to myself, declare to the heavens, and write. II walked through wilderness training, being healed and set free in many ways. I have walked one step close to a line of humiliation and misunderstanding most of my life. The fight to fit in has almost killed me. Where does this take me? Well just saying it sets me free to be who God called me to be. I am a Debra in Christ, not Debbie, Deb or Deborah. Great post here below.
Onward and upward.
In Christ, Debra
Please pray and consider having Rivers of Eden minister in your gathering, home group, conference or church in 2014. This is our year of release wherever and whenever God opens His doors bringing His grace and His glory through us to those to whom we are called in this season. Feel Free to contact us on Facebook, Twitter, or on our Contact Page on our web site.
Some Great Posts To Read
Here’s Abu Dhabi in the United Arab Emirates. We lived there for 4 years, loving every minute of it. Life there is – what’s the word – cushy? Convenient? Indulgent – yep, that’s it! Indulgent, the perfect word. The UAE is filled with self-indulgence. They want to be bigger, better, and more iconic than any other nation. Most people take jobs there because you are paid more to go on an overseas assignment. For a few years, you can pretend that you are rich, at least for a few. The UAE is one of the richest nations on the planet. You realize this when suddenly you stop at a traffic light and notice a brand new Ferrari, Maserati, BMW, Bentley or Jag and a young person is driving it because Daddy gave it to them for a birthday present. Oh, yes, shopping at Marina Mall – check out those ladies sauntering into Chanel and Armani just for quick shopping trip. I learned a lot.
The island is mostly expats from 125 nations so life is very very interesting. I guess I can spend more than one blog to talk about this but I don’t have the time, right now at least. We had a glorious apartment in the middle of Abu Dhabi, drove a Peugeot (unfamiliar to most Americans), enjoyed our official day off as being Friday and not Sunday, and endured temperatures of 120 degrees Fahrenheit for summer months. Marvin worked on the Abu Dhabi airport for those years, so I had a lot of time to write, travel, and explore. I guess now it may pay off in writing. At least I hope so.
What did I learn there? Okay I hope, amidst the light heartedness of this blog, that I can speak some reality right now. I learned that women were second-class citizens much of the time. I learned that Filipinos along with Pakistanis and Indians were little more than slaves in this culture in the way they were treated. I also learned to live in the tension of seeing reality but unable to speak against it at that time. I learned a lot.
To live the life of a nomad is a choice. We lived in California during the years our children were growing up, but they are now adults. Travel increased for us around 2000, making a choice to live free and clear of any entanglements that would keep us bound to one place. We do not own a home. We live very simply with few material possessions. Hmmm, I do love my used BMW – always have, always will. We don’t like to be in one place for too long. I have decided to stop fighting this and to move into the glorious reality of my life.
More travel is ahead of us. I know it because that is how God created me. I consistently prayed for God to give us a few places to ‘settle’ and hang our hat and then to travel out from there. It’s a lot less unpacking if you can afford it. Well, let’s see if that is a reality for us in 2014. I want California and Finland as home bases. Settling for two for the price of one – one small small apartment in Cali and one small small apartment in Finland BUT the back yard is the world to me, along with some disposable income to move out and GO. Life is beautiful to me and Jesus is the very center of my joy. I like how He created Debra. My life is not glamorous. I sacrificed a lot to live this way, but it is all worth it. It truly is.