Wrong Turn – Get Back on the Right Road

Forgive 1

C.S. Lewis – “When you make a wrong turn the wrong road never turns into the right road. To get back on the right road you have to go back to where you missed the turn.”

There are times in life when I move ahead too quickly from a challenging situation or a hurtful encounter in order to avoid confronting any pain that exists within me. I just want to get through it. I don’t like do-overs or rehashing of things. I just want to get it done with and move on.

But, that doesn’t always work with God.

When  I realize that something is still stinging in me or when a person’s name comes up or I still feel that punch to my stomach inside if I think about a particular situation,  I realize there is an open wound still present. No closure within.

Solution? I go back to that place during times of worship and intimacy with Jesus and led by Holy Spirit, I walk it out again with Him. Usually, I am quick to ask forgiveness of those whom I hurt. But I often find that in forgiving others, I don’t forgive myself. I carry the weight for a long, long time and it affects me in many ways that I am not always aware of.

I walk back to that point and deal with the pain. I go back with the Lord to release something or someone so that I keep moving forward. I have no control over others so I’m not responsible for them. I have to look at me and see why this pain? What is the root of all of this?

He always tells me. It could be a time of rejection from a parent. Or how about a betrayal by a friend? There’s many different scenarios in our less than perfect lives.

Over the years, I have learned something. To go forward often requires going back. Holy Spirit will lead the way and if He is not showing you anything, don’t look for it. But, when He does take the time to come apart, worship and listen. You will be the better for it.

Debra

In Christ,
Debra
About Me
Rivers of Eden Ministry

 

Time to Move On – In Time – Let the Light In!

Hi Everyone!

This week it’s time to rest, think and meditate on the year ahead. So I hope you enjoy reading some great posts from 2015.

Trapped In Time By People’s Judgements – Move On!
Have you ever felt that no matter what you did, you could not break free from what people thought of you – their judgments and opinions? When that happens, I realized a long time ago that it is because people entrap you into a place in time, a moment where something happened between you and them. There is pain in that moment in time for whatever reason – failure, betrayal, anger and more. I may have been a part of it. I may have even caused it. But, as I repent, ask forgiveness and forgive, I am free to move forward. Yet, that does not mean others will. Therein lies the problem. Read more…..

Adventure AwaitsMoving Through Time At God’s Pace
In this season, I find myself gliding through time observing and watching the moments- without an internal presumption of want to know or need to know. Often there is little interaction as situations swirl around me. It seems I am restrained from fully seeing but instructed to just keep on moving, keep on observing. Don’t speak…….yet. Read More…..

Open the Door! Pull Back the Curtains! Let the Light In!
The darkened areas of our lives, those places filled with fear, memories of abuse, sexual addictions, emotional destruction, substance abuse, alcoholism – all those places are like rooms yet to be opened in a house where Christ dwells. He sees them. We see them. We know they are there but we won’t confront their reality, let alone open the door to let the light of Christ into these dark areas. Read More…..

Debra

 

In Christ,
Debra
About Me
Rivers of Eden Ministry

Trapped in Time by People’s Judgments and Opinions? Forgive – Move On

Forgive 2 Have you ever felt that no matter what you did, you could not break free from what people thought of you – their judgments and opinions? When that happens, I realized a long time ago that it is because people entrap you into a place in time, a moment where something happened between you and them. There is pain in that moment in time for whatever reason – failure, betrayal, anger and more. I may have been a part of it. I may have even caused it. But, as I repent, ask forgiveness and forgive, I am free to move forward. Yet, that does not mean others will. Therein lies the problem.

For years, I kept a close watch on my heart – keeping anger and unforgiveness at bay because I knew I was so easily prone to it in my life due to past hurts and wounds. With God’s grace, I forgave over and over knowing that it freed me up inside. No matter what happens, I chose to forgive and to always ask forgiveness, even if it is through clenched teeth or some measure of initial resistance. I choose to forgive. I start somewhere and eventually God syncs my heart with the reality of my words.

This way of forgiveness formed in my life when my sister was murdered in 1982. I knew that if I did not forgive, this pain and trauma would incapacitate me emotionally, physically and spiritually throughout my life. I would be imprisoned to that moment of time if I did not allow forgiveness to set me free.

Forgive 1When I heard of my sister’s murder, I had to walk through the practicalities of life – helping my parents deal with it, going through paperwork, and talking to the police. Months later, when the initial shock wore off, I had to deal with me. For over a year, I walked in a cloud unable to truly face it and look at it head on. Things like this just didn’t happen to us. My life was imprisoned to a moment in time and I was trapped.

One day Holy Spirit overwhelmed me with emotion in a time of worship and simply said, “Forgive the person who did this.”

I said, “I don’t know how.”

Holy Spirit said, “Choose to forgive.”

I said, “I forgive.”

I remember, at that moment, just crumpling to the floor, weeping and weeping for hours. When I got up I was free. To this day, I still grieve the loss of my sister; a dear friend but there is no anger or bitterness toward the person who did this to our family. Forgiveness is real and true and releases you from moments of time that are traumatic in your life. There is power in forgiveness.

Now getting back to my point above. People who don’t or won’t deal with their own anger, unforgiveness, bitterness and pain are stuck in time. When people unjustly attack me, I can ask forgiveness, truly repent and then, I am free. I am not trapped in that moment of pain, even if I was some part of it through anger, betrayal or for whatever reason. I am free in Christ. I don’t want to go back to that point but frequently, others do. And they never cease to remind me about that. They often accuse me, overtly or subliminally, wanting more on my part – more groveling, more proof of changed behavior, more of something. I can’t go there and in deciding that, they don’t like it, which only revs up their engines to accuse and attack more. They want to lock me up in the past and keep me there.

Don’t let anyone pull you back in time to a place where you are not at any more. It’s a place where guilt and discouragement can cast a snare and try to trap you in that moment again. You don’t live there anymore. You are free.

Now, don’t think for one second that because you understand this, others will also. People are people and each of us is responsible for our own lives. Each of us stands before the Lord for our own actions. We can only do what we can do. So to this day, I still encounter people who won’t let me be me. They want to write a script of their own understanding in which I am the star player who negatively impacted their life in some way. Ever feel like that? Look around, it’s happening on social media all the time. Attacks, accusations and more – all because people won’t forgive and move on. Keeping it in the forefront adds a lot of drama and they get a lot of attention for the most part.

Forgive Cross 3Once you have done all you can, stand in the freedom and forgiveness that is yours in Christ. Don’t allow your future to be taken captive to moments in time past. You stand in the now and that is a glorious place to stand. The now moves you forward and by God’s grace there is always a new day, a fresh start, a new life…that’s how good God is. Again, there is so much to say about this. Get your journal and spend some time with God and He will reveal His heart to you personally in your own situation. He is faithful to do that.

Moving on in Christ.

Debra 2In Christ,
Debra

I would love to speak at your conference, gathering, church or home group. Contact me here, on Facebook or on Twitter. Enjoy reading about Rivers of Eden and the Timeline of our Life!

Image 1 – Flickr – Paul Sableman
Image 2 – Flickr – Christa Lohman
Image 3 – Flickr – BRainy Photography

Creative Expression – He Is Enough

Note to Self: You are EnoughThis is a journey. The dream in the previous blog will help you understand what I am writing here in this blog. When God decides to get my attention, He gives me a dream. Why? Is it because that is the way He usually talks to me? No, I rarely dream, so when I do dream, they are detailed and accurate. I pay attention to my dreams.

My dreams answer questions, those questions that are moving like a deep current under the surface of my life. Those questions that I can’t even articulate but I know that they are stirring within me and need to be answered. At those times, I am looking at God. He is looking at me. I have no words but He hears the cry of my heart. The yearning that says “Jesus I don’t understand.” The silence that says, “I don’t know what to do. What do I do?” The tears that say, “You are there, aren’t You?”

Back to the dream – I stand and look back into the house. There they are; all the people who hurried back in, sitting with their groups. Here I am, standing on the outside. I turn and look in the other direction for that is what God is clearly saying to me. The path is not exactly clear but He knows the way. I seem to know that to get through this narrow door (Read this blog please) I will have to lighten my load, getting rid of excessive weight that holds me down and ties me to the past. I wholeheartedly agree it is time. Now is the time.

What weighs me down? Past hurts, wounds losses, rejections, insecurities, and fears. Does that cover it? Yes, I think it does. This time it is real and it is essential for the journey ahead. There is no way to get around it. As a Christian, it is time to stop playing games and get real, at least for me. That means a journey of honesty and confrontation. Enjoy this journey of honesty with me. I can lay it all down so that I am freer and freer and you can walk this out too.

Walking one step away from the house, I hear the Spirit of the Lord say this to me, “You, Debra, are a a woman with a strong sense of justice.” These words shot through my heart awakening me to their truth. Just a few words in one sentence confronted a big reality in my life and how I perceive things. This strong sense of justice wanted to run back into that house and begin to rail at all those people with their pride, their arrogance, the presumed condescension, and their obvious rejection of me. I wanted vindication and a sense that a wrong could be made right and they would see that I was somebody. But, that strong sense of justice was one thing that had to go to lighten my load in this journey.

You see, this strong sense of justice to make people see that they have hurt me was unintentionally binding me to the past and this deep need for closure. Unfortunately, life does not always bring closure. Our need to be righted when wronged or our feeling of entitlement for wrongs done to us does not always come but there is a better way. Justice for all the wrongs done to us is settled on the cross. It is finished. I see that all that I have held onto in my life has been seen by Jesus – my hurts, my sorrows, my pain. He has healed them in His life, for me. He died so that I have life in Christ. If I do not see that the life I live, I live in Christ, then I will continue to seek vindication for wrongs done to my life. This sense of justice formed my life and kept me looking to the past. Now I see, I will lay some things down and pick them up no more. It is finished.

creativityLeaders whose words of condescension cut me like a knife. I stand and say, “It is finished. I forgive.” Many who looked past me or around me, believing that I just did not have the ‘goods’, while I was willing in my heart to give all I could to bring them to the glorious reality of Christ Jesus, I stand and say, “It is finished. I forgive.” There are so many more situations and people who I can talk about today but I believe I get it right now and I hope you do too. To walk away into a broad place, a new vista in Christ, I lighten my load of what I have carried for so long. The case that I have raised against them has been closed this day and I do not seek vindication of retribution of any kind from any man. It is a great feeling within me. Honesty is wonderful and when you have nothing to prove, you have nothing to lose.

This is a spiritual journey for me, written not in analytical form, but in a creative supernatural way. Through dreams, visions, and revelation from the Word in the Spirit, I write this blog for this is my life. I see that now. See this in the Spirit and hear by the Spirit what I am saying here. This is the beginning of a new path in Christ, one that I have waited for these past years. Religion died in me so that intimacy in Christ and relationship with Him lives in me. Enjoy this journey with me. Walking away from the house seems a bit easier now after this blog.

What about you? I know it may be hard to share in-depth things right here, right now but I would like to hear from you. Thank you for any encouragement you may give to me, but I would also like to hear your heart.