Creative Expression – Formed By Shame, Freedom In Christ

To walk in prophetic momentum in clarity of sound and a purity of heart, I need to be free from words of shame that formed my life. To speak words of truth, the source of life in me should be free from anything that is damming up the river from flowing outward. My identity in Christ is trying to flow forth from my inner substance, yet it is often blocked by my own sense of inner shame.

Shame imprisoned me behind a wall of insecurity and doubt, believing that somehow or someway, I was just not right. Guilt motivated my actions, proceeding from shame, trying to either people please OR just being downright angry with people for my perceived miserable life. Being up and down, like riding a roller coaster, my life was hardly one of resting in Christ. I sense that the prophetic in me flowed with clarity and function up till this time BUT to go further in this realm, death occurs in me so that resurrection life flows from me. That is a good thing that should not be avoided. Life is a journey. We advance going from faith to faith, glory to glory.

In times past, I often felt one of two ways. First, I would step out as bold as a lion in prophetic declarations and then second guess myself and wallow in fear and insecurity. Or, I would step out for the Lord, saying what I feel needed to be said, and because I was rejected or ignored, I would get angry. Both are only the overflow of inner wounding that desperately needed to be healed. The problem was in me and needed healing. God is determined to take prophetic people higher, if I can say it like that. To do that, He must aim for getting the cracks out of a faulty foundation of belief. With me, it was so simple. God was getting to that part in me that said I was wrong, not my actions but me. I was wrong, made wrong, formed wrong, just plain wrong. That is shame in its perfection.

When, as a woman, I tried to step out, knowing I heard from the Lord, shame often slammed me down, helping me to feel unworthy, unnoticed, or ignored. Often people’s words of condescension ripped apart my foundation, making me feel less than and far beneath them.

On the other side again, I have ‘pushed and ‘proved’ quite often in my life, despite these feelings inside, trying to qualify and justify just being me or speaking what I believe is from the Lord. Shame can keep you silenced or angry if you allow it to permeate your life, which I did at times.

Shame is the attack on your substance, who you are. No one can touch that place. That place is the inner sanctum where your spirit is alive in Christ. But, if you don’t see that place as the ultimate place of identity, you can be motivated by shame that either silences you or angers you. Am I laying this down understandably?

Shame entered my life through hard-hitting words, causing pain or anger. Shame also came through blatant rejection. In my head, I knew God loved me lavishly and passionately but the road from the head to the heart is often filled with pain as God heals those wounds that form our life. And, this is a journey in life as He heals and restores us day by day.

God spoke these words to me about one month ago.

“Debra, February will be a turning point for you.”

By the Spirit I can sense that what I am going through is leading me into ‘me’. The ‘me’ that He created, not the one formed in shame or guilt. Debra. It’s a journey and I am getting ready to go through a door into a new broad place.

The purity of the prophetic is moving in the testimony of Jesus. This is the spirit of prophecy. He wants a heart that is focused, willing, obedient and humble. The prophetic voice, flowing forth from me or you, should flow with intensity in the reality of His love as its source. Yet, His love, as I have said before, comes forth in many ways. It’s all in relationship.

To be continued……

In Christ, Debra

Please pray and consider having Rivers of Eden minister in your gathering, home group, conference or church in 2014. This is our year of release wherever and whenever God opens His doors bringing His grace and His glory through us to those to whom we are called in this season. Feel Free to contact us on Facebook, Twitter, or on our Contact Page on our website.

Some Great Posts To Read

The Voice Series

Living In A Hut Series

Creative Expression – Time For Some Action, Don’t Ya’ Think?

“Words, words, words, I’m so sick of words. I get words all day through, first from him, now from you. Is that all you blighters can do? Don’t talk of love burning above. If you’re in love, show me. Tell me no dreams, filled with desire. If you’re on fire, show me.” My Fair Lady

Words Words WordsEliza Doolittle sang this song in My Fair Lady. She basically says “If you’re in love show me.” She confronts her beau’s excessive words which express his love for her, by exclaiming that words alone won’t cut it. There is not enough expressed and manifested action to back up the words. Like Christianity in many ways, don’t you think? At least that is what I think for my life today in my own Christianity.

Let me continue to connect the dots for you in this blog post. Follow along by reading this verse.

20 For the kingdom of God is not in word but in power. (1 Corinthians 4:20 NKJV)

I have been on one heck of a journey in my Christianity. Haven’t we all? After years of performing in religion and more years after that, I run from so much word based Christianity that I can’t see any movement of the Spirit. In case we have to remind ourselves, Christianity is formed in the word (the Living Word) and the Spirit. Both are necessary to be formed for a life in the Spirit. The kingdom – talk and walk.

I read this post by Sarah Bessey yesterday and I saw so much of my own feelings in it that I want to share it here. I loved her post. We may differ in many ways but the foundation of her thoughts seem to line up with my own beliefs.

I lost something. I am getting it back. I have been saying that for some time now but each day things get clearer and clearer to me.

Facebook is glutted with excessive words. So I went down my feed and simply unfriended many people, not out of anger or any emotion. I just don’t see the point anymore. There are so many words out there. Grace people, prophetic people, evangelical people, and more and more. As I have said before, my weariness in all of it has reached a point where I just want to be free from it all. Hence the need to purge my list and to be me, even if me is the only one listening to me or reading me. That’s good enough. I am not blogging to convery some irrelevant ideas but to share my life, walking down a path of life, that is taking me somewhere in Him, Jesus Christ.

Since when has Christianity built up on words and words alone? On understanding or needing to be understood? Since when has truth been deconstructed to a message packaged to meet the needs of people or to make them feel comfortable or more secure? Since when? The life of Jesus was so messy. He walked around making everyone feel uncomfortable but yet so unconditionally loved if they would take it.

I love life. I am a passionate adult. I was a passionate child. I am giving up all justification and explanation as to why I feel the way I do about some things. That hinders growth. That is also for treatises, or discourses and this is but a mere blog. I am a woman of the word and I seem to avoid speaking of my experiences or my life in the Spirit because I still fear that I will seem flaky. Hey, I am quirky but not flaky. And the way I see it, I am in good company with many other quirky people in Scripture.

What happened? I remember some years back going to Italy and just walking the streets of Rome, praying, praying and praying led by the Spirit. Or what about that Detroit trip that I took years ago where the Spirit led me into places and meeting people that made me feel like I was in the book of Acts. There were many more trips and so much grace and glory. What happened?

I feel this constant tension in me that I am learning to live with day by day. Great tension blog.

I still feel that I am being deconstructed to get to the basic of Debra’s. Great deconstruction blog.

I am leaving all the camps. The grace camp, the evangelical camp, the Baptist camp, the Pentecostal camp, the prophetic camp. I am not starting my own. Haha! I am detoxing from it all and looking at Jesus and learning of Him by the Spirit in this season. I am not anti-church. We are looking for one right now, a community in which to share our life and to bring life to others.

Why leave the camps? Because it’s the same ole’ same ole. All these grace guys….just that. All the guys…..need I say more. No woman. Hmmmm, I’ll stop there. God will make a way to get past that stuff. I love them.

The prophetic camp. I still love them. I am part of that quirky stuff, seen by many as detrimental to the health of all Christianity. Yet, I won’t be part of the incessant crying out for more, devaluing my positions and experiences in Christ.

I am generalizing, not judging, all of this but I know you get the picture. I feel inside myself there is still a tension, a God ordained tension, breaking the membrane of my limited vision and helping me to see again with new vision. I am fighting to find my voice amidst a world with lots of noise. It is essential for me and you to find our voice. What if we don’t? Well, I guess then I can spend my life on Facebook liking all the iconic people who simply say one sentence and get 100-500 likes. I can become a groupie who may only parrot ideas rather than voice internal conviction. A bit of sarcasm perhaps? I don’t mean to, but it is true.

I am not fighting for individuality at the expense of peace or rest but I am seeking my brand in Christ. I am seeing myself in Christ alone. That is not contrary to grace or an add on to dilute its message. Had it not been for grace, I would not be at this place of awareness? I am living in tension, yet in rest.

Just a bit more of my ramblings here. Tension is a good thing. Tension blog again. I am not at war within myself. It’s just so darn easy to fit in… and to be part of a rising template of clones. I can’t do that and yet I don’t see myself as rebellious. I am in the fight of my life, in a good way, of course.

I was called to be a prophet. I did not want to say that out of shame, guilt and condemnation by others. So, in not at least saying it at times, I lived in a loss of identity, trying to latch on to anything but not really fitting in. Yet how can I deny that night and that experience, that voice of God to me? I can’t deny that experience of being called as my reality.  Today is my breaking out, not breaking bad. Haha- could not resist that.

I am called as a prophet but I have no platform to speak so I speak to myself, declare to the heavens, and write. II walked through wilderness training, being healed and set free in many ways. I have walked one step close to a line of humiliation and misunderstanding most of my life. The fight to fit in has almost killed me. Where does this take me? Well just saying it sets me free to be who God called me to be. I am a Debra in Christ, not Debbie, Deb or Deborah. Great post here below.

Onward and upward.

In Christ, Debra

Please pray and consider having Rivers of Eden minister in your gathering, home group, conference or church in 2014. This is our year of release wherever and whenever God opens His doors bringing His grace and His glory through us to those to whom we are called in this season. Feel Free to contact us on Facebook, Twitter, or on our Contact Page on our web site.

Some Great Posts To Read

Is Anyone Listening? The Dream.

Be Intentional, Nothing Less