Looking Out, Looking In – A Spiritual Vision Unfolds – My Journal

2770652191_67aeac9902_zStanding on the edge of a cliff, I look out over a beautiful panoramic view of a valley. I then look down at my feet, planted firmly in this spot.

Questions stir in me, shooting against the walls of my mind, each trying to one up the other in wanting me to make a decision…………apart from the Spirit of God. This internal conversation goes on and on and on.

Go………Stay
Wait……Move
There…..Here
Jump…..Stand

There is tension brewing within me between what is out there and what is right here. My heart cries out for adventure, yet the practicality of life’s day-to-days keep me anchored to my own fears in real-time. In the place that I stand right now, comfort and convenience can often become my best friends. Life can be lived through a lens of being too careful and too confined. Thank you Holy Spirit that you keep opening my spirit to see my life through an eternal lens of what it is in Christ not what it is in the world.

Is there a clear direction coming soon? Is there an answer to these weighty questions that I have been carrying for so long? I hope so. I don’t want to stand here forever. I like a change of scenery. I want to move within that sweet spot called destiny, called purpose.

Change is GoodChange is good. Change is in my DNA, or at least that is what I keep telling myself, over and over and over.

Yet why is it that at times, I fight this overarching storyline of my life? Why is it that I won’t always accept my own joy in spontaneity, travel and change? The voice of regret likes to remind me about what this has cost me, the price paid over years of travel. Lost time. Lost memories. Lost friendships. Sigh……….wait a minute. If I buy into this, regret would have its way and tell me what my life should have been like…….like this, like that. And if regret had its way, I would never ben standing on the edge of this cliff.

Lost in my thoughts, I smile and look up again to see this beautiful expanse of valley. Something occurs to me. I can’t stand here forever and at some point I have to shorten the distance between here and there. How? Jumping. There’s no way back. The distance between here and there must first be reconciled in me before any new step of adventure is before me

“Define yourself,” an inner voice whispers.

I think for a brief moment before words start flowing out of my inner being.

Words Words WordsTravel
Journey
Places
Inspiration
Color
Nature
Oceans
Mountains
Cities
Museums
Art
Coffee shops
Writing Dreaming Photo this Photo that Creativity Originality Movement Intentional Spontaneous Sound Music Worship Vision

I could go on and on and on but at this point I sense Jesus is smiling. I have been brought to the edge of this cliff for such a time as this. All these words are open-ended. They come alive within action and action involves faith and faith always involves risk and cutting against the grain of what is normal or acceptable. These words integrate my purpose and infuse my being.

So, why am I still standing here, frustrated at times? I am the one holding me back. True reconciliation must take place inside myself in order to move. I have to come to terms with who I am. Not the terms of what anyone says but who God says that I am, how He is forming my life.

I must look at me, the ‘me’ Jesus forms, Holy Spirit breathes into and Father God loves. I am my biggest obstacle to my own well being by allowing so many others to write the script of my life at times, while I passively look on and accept their terms.

What’s next? I don’t know. I’m still standing in this place, on the edge. Been here for a while but I perceive it won’t be for long. This place? It’s been about 4 years now. Preaching about the edge. Talking about faith. Out of the box journey and adventure yet…..I am still here on the edge. Why?

God is doing something so deep in me that it goes beyond anything I have ever been through up to this point in my Christian life. I can’t always define it. I don’t always know exactly what it is. I only know that at some point I will be asked to jump. I hope that what Scripture says is true. I know it is but again….faith in action? There’s always a few questions asked by even the most spiritual of us.

Soaring Eagle

 

But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, they run and don’t get tired, they walk and don’t lag behind. (Isaiah 40:31 Message)

 

This is all preparation time for me into the next phase of my life. One thing I do realize. We never arrive. We are always in journey. And there will be another time that I find myself at the edge of a cliff in preparation to jump once again.

For now, I wait, looking out, looking in. As these two perspectives are reconciled, I will jump into my next place of glory and faith. Christianity is exciting. Or at least I see it that way. Enjoy the journey!

Debra

In Christ,
Debra
About Me
Rivers of Eden Ministry

Deep Waters – Trembling in the Waves

WaveThe deep waters – our world trembles with each wave that washes over us. Our lives are disrupted.  We are being deconstructed. What was built up within us in religion is coming down. Jesus Himself is bringing it down. We are imploding from within. It seems we are unable to comprehend the simplicity in Christ. We want more. More of this and more of that – forever chasing new things, new revelation, forsaking the deep well of Jesus Christ.

So used to being hand fed on movements, we are not used to feeding ourselves, trusting Holy Spirit to lead and guide us in the Way in Christ.

We got comfortable being in the mix, in the system, whether that system was a constant stream of prophetic conferences or a church/denomination that dictated a norm rather than show us the WAY – a way of adventure and creativity in Holy Spirit. The church at large is in a sad state. The solution? Return to Jesus. Many lost their first love. Jesus calls and woos them back to Him.

He watches. He waits and observes from the outside looking in. So few actually notice Him. He looks through the window with a desire to be our all in all. How much do we settle for so much less?

Some beautiful poetic expression below.

The voice of my beloved! Behold, he comes
leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills.
9 My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Behold, he stands behind our wall;
He is looking through the windows, gazing through the lattice.
10 My beloved spoke, and said to me: “Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.
(Song of Songs 2:8-10 NKJV)

This inner deconstruction of our lives brings down all our idols. And, there are many.

Why? So that our focus is purified to look into His eyes, to catch His gaze, to reflect His glory,. To BE the creative expression of Christ in the earth.

Debra

In Christ,
Debra
About Me
Rivers of Eden Ministry

Happy Thanksgiving!

IMG_6588

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Here we are in Texas – our new home! Adventure awaits us and journey defines our life! Over the past 10 years home was the San Francisco Bay Area (which I will always call my home), 5 years in Abu Dhabi, over 10 years of traveling in and out of Finland, (actually living there 6, at least) and Southern California for the past 3 years. That does not count all the traveling in and out and in between.

You can say that adventure is our normal, our journey, our life. This is us (Marvin and I). And for all of this I am thankful.

God knows me through and through. I love change and I consider myself fairly adaptable. Each new move I get excited about possibilities that are hidden in the mix, waiting to be discovered. I can get a bit frustrated also because I am learning the art of downsizing and paring down a life to what is really me, what I consider part of me, and what I can’t do without. With each move, our ‘stuff’ gets less and less. That’s a good thing.

What’s ahead? New relationships, divine connections with many people. Doors opening revealing new places waiting to be explored. I am thankful for all of this.

I am thankful that God has his eye on my life, knows me through and through in each step of my journey. He already knows who I am and it is indeed an adventure to walk it out discovering myself as He looks on.

10511315_794327653940721_886065626280149819_nAgain Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I am so very thankful for so many things – my God, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit, my incredible husband, my family, my life, my friends, and my Frenchie, Chloe.

In Christ,
Debra

 

 

 

 

Into the Deep, Out of Shallow Waters

If I am consumed with inner passions that drive my soul, then I move in sync with my own desires rather than listening to the whisper of God’s voice. From deep inside my spirit, His voice calls me to a place of quietness and strength in the midst of the world’s noise. It’s here that I live in the depths of His presence. Much like a deep ocean, I live move and have my being in Him as the current of Christ’s life in me charts my course in Holy Spirit. I don’t like shallow waters. I don’t live a shallow life.

cropped-cropped-photo3.jpgI can’t live in the shallow waters of life, splashing around with good intentions while following the desire of my own hearts. In this place, I can wade in limited realities. Words such as perhaps, maybe, could be or some day form mental images that bind me to safety. Shallow waters provide safety. It is a place I can splash around all day, never experiencing much at all.

God calls me to the deep oceans where there are strong currents. The force of His currents strengthens my faith, as I move in sync with Him. The deep oceans sweep me along as I submit to the winds and the waves stirred up by God’s hand.

The deep is where I choose life, abundantly lived in response to the call of the His voice. The prevailing winds and strong currents subject me to storms with high, relentless waves at times that take my life and turn it in many directions. Yet I still affirm in my heart to follow the sound of His voice into the deep. It is here I experiences courage in the midst of high waves, faith in the midst of strong storms and hope to sail through it all for His purpose.

I choose to untie the anchor that ties me to the shallows. I have had enough of it to be quite honest. These past 3 years have been mundane and nebulous but a new day dawns right before my eyes. Holy Spirit charts the course, leading me out and about. I never liked the shallow. It took these past three years, wading in the shallows of fear, worry, and insecurity to know this truth. It’s time to launch out.

Debra

In Christ, Debra

Rivers of Eden Ministry

Borders and Boundaries Needed – I Can Get Lost In that Wide-Open Space!

He stood me up on a wide–open field; I stood there saved––surprised to be loved. (Psalms 18:19 Message)

I stand amazed in a wide-open field of freedom. A thought hits me, “This is a place of unrestricted movement. I can do it all. I can be all.”

This moment brings a revelation of unbridled freedom. At last! For years I languished under internal laws and restrictions brought about by my own deep rejection and insecurities. It just feels good to know that I am free, in Christ.

Freedom in ChristWait! What is that I see?

I look around. What’s that in the distance? Border. Boundaries. Fences.

Even in my freedom, there’s a sense of restriction providing safety, hemming me in on every side. Under the shadow of His wings (Psalm 91) He shelters me, protects me, quite often from myself and my own sense of journey into places that are good but not excellent for me.

Unbridled freedom can lead me into confusion and distraction apart from the leading of Holy Spirit. My own sense of entitlement, believing that now that I am free, I can do anything I want, can easily rule and reign. But as I said before, not everything that is good, is good for me. It is only in surrender that true freedom comes to His will and the ways of Holy Spirit.

I arrive in this place in process, restored but still being restored to the wholeness of my salvation. There is still a deep truth, an unfolding revelation of Christ in me needing to be established as I live, move and have my being in Christ. Inside of me, there is still that sense of upholding ‘ME”. Self-preservation brings on a fear of losing myself totally to the unknown. I hold on just a bit to something so I can call it my own.

Could it be that after years of fear on so many levels that I want to control a little part of my life? Just a little bit? Of course that’s it. I try to deny it but the evidence is quite clear. And yet, His grace is sufficient and in the midst of my own self-preservation, He loves me and shows me a better way.

Here I am in a broad place. I want to get this right this time so as not to be propelled back into a place of restriction and grief, dead ends and false starts.

He also brought me out into a broad place; He delivered me because He delighted in me. (Psalms 18:19 NKJVS)

I can dance. I can move. I can live. Is this really true? Yes.

Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you. (Galatians 5:1 Message)

You know, I can get lost in freedom, endlessly wandering from one thing to the next, going here, going there, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. One more conference. One more book. What am I trying to achieve? Perfection? Why? So that somehow God sees I am worthy on some level? Yuk!

Apart From MeI need restraint in my freedom to point the way, His way. And I definitely need a bit of structure and discipline to set me on a path of destiny. He knows where He is taking me, where He wants me to end up before I go to the next place of glory in faith.

In this place, right here, right now, You Jesus set my feet down on a path of life. You know me through and through, when I stand, when I move, what I feel, how I see. Now that I am here, I must accept that Your way is My way. You are the way for me, a path of light and life, hope and love.

As I wander through this broad place, my imagination runs wild for I know I am a woman who loves creativity, adventure and journey. Things that pop up along the way can distract me, often losing the course of my day. I guess I am both right and left brained for there is this rational side of me alongside this wild creative side. Hmmm.

Wait – what is this I see? In the midst of this broad place, there is a path forming right before my eyes. It is a narrow way in the midst of a broad place.

I see it like this.

Then Jesus answered and said to them, “ Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner. (John 5:19 NKJV)

There are many ways in the Way. There are many paths to follow. I believe for me I have to simply listen, trust, obey and move, even if I don’t see the total outcome. If I don’t, I can be wandering in freedom forever accomplishing very little in my life. Focus is not my focus.

The voice of Holy Spirit whispers, “This is the way. Walk in it.”

I follow.

I trust.

I obey.

(These thoughts today spring from my own frustration within my own creativity. I have been easily distracted and wind up easily frustrated. Why? I did not do the one thing that God asked me to do.

“Study imagination.”

I started out good but somehow it was not enough for I could not see the outcome so I added, a bit here and a bit there. Before I knew it, I was on a rabbit trail of so many things I lost my focus. Lesson learned Father.

I forgot the simplicity of the instruction and His grace to lead me along the set path to get me to where He wants me to me.

Why do I do this? It’s quite simple. I feel that I should be excellent and do just a bit more than what God asks and He will be so proud of me. That, my friends, is a lie, a subtle lie of performance. I pulled it all back, reeled it all in. So I sit here in the library to study faith, imagination allowing the Holy Spirit to lead the way. I pray you get the point here. Stay focused on exactly what God tells you to do. In fact, I would challenge many today to forgo trying to be everything to everyone, a jack-of-all-trades master of none. Follow His path. His way.)

In Christ, Debra