With a passion to move out in ministry, my zeal often ran ahead of wisdom. In other words, I had a lot of false starts in my life. Timing is everything!
False starts are not failure. God looks at the heart, sees its passion and graces us to start over in a particular endeavor with more wisdom. Failure paralyzes with fear and shame. False starts? I set out and somehow it just does not work. Perhaps a mistake has been made. Grace abounds in all ways and we learn how to move in sync with God.
I walk back to the starting line to try again. Father God looks at me with great compassion and whispers, “Wait for Me! Watch me closely this time. Move with me. Live in Me. I have not forgotten you. You got a bit ahead of Me and you weren’t ready. The time is soon.”
Zeal propelled me forward in a self-paced momentum. I thought I was ready so off I went. God smiled and loved me through it all.
Zeal alone can’t set the pace. Wisdom paves the way in God’s timing. Wisdom often requires that we wait a bit until all the pieces are in place. Wisdom is necessary for maturity. While zeal pushes me forward in my own strength, wisdom releases me in the right time. It’s not about a fast paced track. It’s about maintaining passion and focus for the long haul, giving all glory to Jesus.
Zeal without wisdom can be disastrous.. It all starts good as we jump out but unless restrained it causes burn out, discouragement and despair. Zeal alone can’t sustain. Thank God for His grace, love and mercy in the midst of false starts.
Moving in God is my life. Being in sync with my destiny positions me in that sweet spot where I know why I have been created and set into this time. This is normal Christianity for all of us. In going from glory to glory, we try, we leap, we jump, we learn, make mistakes and have some false starts.
In my life, I so often focused on the future instead of resting in the present growing in wisdom and grace. I was not exactly a woman of great patience. As I began to think today about false starts in my life, I felt no condemnation, no regret and no failure. None of us are perfect. We are all growing in grace. False starts are part of life and always will be. They enable us to grow in humility as we look to God alone.
Friday, as I was reading a great book, I received a series of texts from someone who gave me a lengthy accurate prophetic word. The words shot into my heart like an arrow. They traversed the depths of my heart, healing and restoring. It was prophetically stated that the word came specifically on Good Friday because my time being in the tomb, in the darkness of vision is over.
The timing of this word was perfect. It addressed all my false starts in life, healing regret and disillusionment. The word addressed betrayals from people whom I trusted. These words healed rejection from just feeling humiliated that as I tried to step out in God over the years, I was often shut down, blatantly ignored with words of condescension.
I remembered the ministry work in Kenya, Finland, Abu Dhabi……so many false starts with great risk but also great successes too. Because of the regret, I sensed that I had been counted out of the race, a perfect lie from the enemy. There were buildings rented for meetings where money was invested, life poured out and no one came. That was a great source of humiliation and pain for me.
Is God in the pain? Is God in the false start? Well, let me just say my zeal and my flesh jumped out and He didn’t stop me. He knew there was much to learn in these mistakes that would be beneficial for my future. He allowed the setbacks for me to grow in wisdom. He saw the depth of my heart. He knew that with each setback, I ran back to my Father to learn, to cry and to grow. It’s all about grace.
Over the past few months until this Good Friday, I saw a momentum building in my life, step by step, glory to glory. The prophetic word brought it all to the forefront and closed the past – done. It is finished. So appropriate to be on Easter weekend but God is so perfect in His timing.
What about your false starts? Mistakes? Regrets? When you dare to jump but it may not quite be the time. Walking sheepishly to the starting line again, one is filled with pain, regret and shame. Many want to hide for a bit. That;s normal but I want to tell you that without the passion of a false start, without daring to jump, without success and failure, how can you even come to know God’s grace? God’s grace flows through our weakness to be strong. God’s grace gives us life to take risks and to take chances and to see setbacks as just a part of life. His love for us NEVER changes. It is better to jump at times, risk it all and learn from mistakes than to live life doing nothing at all.
What happens when we jump out in a false start and realize it’s a bad choice? We walk back to the starting line, dejected and a bit shamed but what we see is God loving us through it all. His simply says, “Trust me. Wait. Follow me this time.”
Standing at the starting line is a place of growth. It’s hard to stand there and see others running ahead with what seems like great favor in whatever they put their hand to in life. I was there. I stood still. I watched day after day after day. In my heart, I was resolute. No false start this time at this point in life. There is this release upon my life to travel to the nations again – to preach, to build up leaders, to impart a revelation of creativity…..and so much more. After years of jumping out, learning, going back to try again, I feel free. No regret. No shame. Only a clear path. The power of this prophetic word Friday shifted my life. May these words I write to you today give you hope to try again, to release the past and to believe God. He is faithful! My life is my message. I walk and talk it so you can be ministered to by it. I tell my story….. without any pretense of trying to look perfect. 🙂